I was having lunch with my doula today and asked her if she ever felt like she couldn’t talk to someone after their birth because of the way they had behaved in labor. She replied “No. I can excuse a lot.” When I think of the media’s portrayal of women in labor it’s screaming and frantic. While that can certainly happen (especially in cases where women are not well prepared) most women aren’t like that. “Quirky” is a good word for it. I love hearing stories of women’s labor where they decided they needed to rub one certain sheet or say one word over and over. What do you think brought on this image of women behaving like monkeys just because they are in labor? How can we change people’s attitudes about what labor looks like?
Why would a doula have to “excuse” laboring loudly? Is there something wrong with that?
Jennifer- actually we were talking about how one of her former clients bit her. She was very apologetic afterwards, though.
It’s because fear begets fear. The media feeds on fear because it sells. The only thing we can do is tell women (as always) that birth is a raw and powerful experience, and sometimes it requires that a woman express herself in strong ways, which is entirely normal. We can also reassure them, that movies they see of women giving birth only portray women who have not prepared themselves for the work of labor, with adequate support, which is of course nothing they need to worry about if they’ve hired a doula ;0)
mommy2be,
Oh my, that does clear things up.
Haha during my first birth I wanted nothing more than to bite my husband’s fist! (He yanked it away faster than you can blink an eye). During my second birth I kept yelling, “OPEN ! OPEN ! OPEN !”
Media brought out this image and only the media can change it on the same scale. However, some women did act crazy during labor back in the 40′s or 50′s due to the drugs they were given. The “twilight sleep” brought on severe manic behavior in some patients. Also, women who are not prepared ARE going to feel out of control and act out of control.
In the past, no one knew how anyone labored outside of their limited local group. Seeing/hearing their mother’s/sisters/aunts/neighbors laboring would be their normative experiences while growing up and would be their ONLY reference of what to expect. Some had only positive examples, most would have a negative experience at some point, but for the most part, they saw it was hard work with great reward at the end.
Children were valued as a commodity or of religious value or to benefit the farm and so the value of bringing life into the world was more valued. Now we see it as optional and so why would anyone CHOOSE to work hard to give birth when it does not have to be this way. Women equate this to choosing to wash your laundry by the stream instead of in the washer and dryer.
Our society does not appreciate the spiritual side of the experience and does not have a grasp of what we lose in the loss of our natural labor and delivery. The media has begun to turn to appreciating the work being done and the spiritual aspect of birth (Business of Being Born)and we are making a difference one birth at a time.
We have to band together as birthing women to show people (both men and women) what is possible and what value there is in giving birth naturally. Otherwise, if there is no benefit to the mother she will never choose the hard work of nautral labor. We must show our children (boys and girls), when we have them at our knee, the benefits of natural childbirth and pass our values on to them. This multiplies our values as they are passed to their spouses and their children and many generations to come.
It is interesting to me that the one theme people keep bringing up is being prepared. We, as birth activists, understand the importance of being prepared but it seems childbirth classes are going out of style
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Thank you so much for your thoughts, Carol, it reminds me that I need to share with my children how natural childbirth fits in with our religion.