We are with the baby at every moment. The baby feeds off or our nourishment, we feel them wiggle, hiccup, and kick. They listen to our voices, they feel comforted by our warmth, nutrition, movements, our heartbeat, and our breath. The momma instinct kicks in quickly. We bond with our pea-sized fetus and fall in love almost instantly.
What about fathers? What about partners that are not carrying the child? They are much more distanced from the entire pregnancy than the birth mom. It is a time for profound early attachment and family bonding to begin. It is also a time of an emotional rollercoaster, for both parties involved. I’d like to explore emotional changes during pregnancy, and questions to sit down to discuss with your partner to create a closer pregnancy experience.
1st Trimester Emotional Changes:
Momma: ambivalence, lack of sex drive, fears of miscarriage, disturbing dreams, begins to assume role of caregiver, begins to identify as mother, feeling trapped
Partner: pride, has difficulty communicating with mom, feels mom is withdrawn, tenderness, sympathetic, new sense of responsibility, feeling trapped.
2nd Trimester Emotional Changes:
Momma: accepting body image changes, baby assumes more important role, may feel changes are out of control, overwhelming responsibility, more dependent on partner, possible increased sex drive, sensitive to comments, criticism, especially from partner.
Partner: anxiety over economics, future thinking, baby becomes more real as movement is felt, dealing with mom’s changing body, sex drive often hampered over fear of hurting mom and baby, may be alarmed as mom’s sex drive increases, often feels over- protective.
3rd Trimester Emotional Changes:
Momma: ambivalence about labor and birth, increase interest in baby, insomnia, vivid dreams, concern over ability to mother this child, needs reassurance and signs of love from partner, fear about baby’s health, concerned with discomforts, feels link in history of humanity, pride, joy, humble.
Partner: worries about labor and birth, worries about health of momma and baby, feels tenderly protective, vivid dreams, memories of own caregivers, worries over ability to parent, heightened sense of responsibility, economic worries, heightened interest in process of labor and birth.
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Because many of these emotional changes may not be considered “positive”, parents tend to steer away from discussing fears, worries, negative dreams etc….
I am now including a list of questions that may help bring couples together in this emotional time. Please find a time and a quiet and peaceful space to discuss these with your partner. The series of questions has been included to start a discussion about feelings during pregnancy. If at any time you need assistance to discuss these questions as a couple, please seek the help of a mental health professional in your area. Below you will find a link to a mental health search engine.
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
1) When I found out we were expecting a baby I felt:
2) Now I feel:
3) When I feel the baby move I feel:
4) I have had the following dreams about the baby or birth:
5) The biggest fear I have about having a child is:
6) The biggest question/ uncertainty I have about being a parent is:
7) The thing I like best about being pregnant/ about my partner being pregnant is:
The thing I like least about being pregnant/ about my partner being pregnant is:
9) I think/ I think my partner’s body is:
10) Early in my pregnancy my sexual feelings were:
11) Later in my pregnancy my sexual feelings were:
12) The thing I feel most women worry about in childbirth is:
13) The thing that concerns me about labor/ childbirth is:
14) The worst thing I could do in labor/ childbirth would be:
15) The biggest question/ uncertainty I have about being a mother/father is:
16) I think of my parents as:
17) The main way I would like to be different from my parents is:
18) The thing I like least about my partner is:
19) The thing I like most about my partner is:
20) The pregnancy has affected our relationship as a couple by:
Much love, Amy
These are VERY important and helpful tips. I for one always want to be happy, so these tips will come in handy. Thanks a bunch for sharing them.