Patience

I am 37 1/2 weeks pregnant. Last Friday night I received the gift of losing my mucous plug. I called my midwife excited that labor may start soon. I have been having contractions all week but nothing that is significant, nor is a pattern surfacing.

My baby girl has definitely dropped and her head is locked and loaded in my pelvis. I can feel her head grinding around down there when she moves which also makes me feel like I have to pee every ten minutes. I am feeling exhausted, like cleaning every speck of crumbs in my house because I have this irrational fear that I will not be able to do anything again with two young babies (my daughter is 13 months old). I don’t really feel like doing anything except sitting at home and waiting for labor to start but if I did that, I would surely drive myself crazy.

Every pain, and many movements I think, “Is this going to be it?” “Is labor starting?” This is worse at night because she is more active so I am getting less sleep and when I do my dreams are vivid and often disturbing.

I sit, I wait, I get stir crazy and I clean or I leave the house to just do SOMETHING other than sitting and waiting. But my mind is never really anywhere else these days.

My midwife says she is probably on the little side (my daughter was full term and 6lbs 11oz) and my fundal height measurement is a couple of weeks behind my approximated due date. She keeps saying things like “let’s hope she stays in there a little longer” “It would be good if she got a little bigger”.

I know this is true but my body is telling me something different. My body is saying “you’ve been pregnant for almost two years, I am tired, and I am weak” My daughter was 5 months when we conceived baby girl #2.

I had forgotten how the last couple of weeks are pretty excruciating to wait for nature to take its course. I think about the women who have scheduled inductions or scheduled cesareans and I understand how this may seem appealing. You have a date to look forward to, while I lie awake in limbo.

But then I think about how my first daughter’s birth was the most empowering experience in my life and I am grateful for my last ounces of patience as I trudge through the unknown. She was born into the world naturally, a few days before her “due date”.

I wait quietly, strong, and confident that this baby will be born into the world peacefully, when she SHE is ready, not when someone else forces her out. My patience is my gift to my daughter. The weeks of false labor pains and discomfort will melt away when she enters the world. I truly do not remember these moments of my first pregnancy. There is no way to describe holding that newborn in your arms for the first time and the overwhelming love that you feel. It is worth all the time in the world.

Please consider being patient.

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