I am blessed to be carrying our second child. I have been very healthy
and happy for this pregnancy and am enjoying taking our prepared
childbirth class again with this baby. This weekend I attended a baby
shower and the mother outed me as “the lady who had a 58-hour labor
without drugs last time!” Of course, people started asking questions.
Thus, I have come up with a short list of stereotypes that I find
annoying:

1. All people who choose natural birth are hippies.- I have nothing
   against people who live a “crunchy” lifestyle, my family certainly
   makes some green choices. However, please do not assume that I am a
   hippie. I think you will be disappointed.
2. All natural birth advocates are militant anti-drug crazy people.-I
   believe that medications in labor have their time and place and I am
   thankful for them when they are necessary. However, I do not feel that
   they fit every woman and situation the way our society advertises.
3. I will judge you if you have a medicated labor.- I have people
   honestly try to hide the fact that they have had an epidural in their
   births because they fear that I’ll chastise them or think less of them
   for their birth choices. How sad that you think so little of me!
4. Moms who choose a natural birth have superhuman pain tolerance.-
   Aside from the hilarity of this (if you knew me) I think it takes away
   some of the power of a woman who has worked hard to manage the pain of
   labor. I always say I don’t have a high pain tolerance, I just have a
   great support team.
5. Natural birth advocates are smug about their births.- While this is
   true of some people, this isn’t true of all people. I know that my
   birth experience was part good education, part good preparation and
   part good fortune. I was blessed to have the birth that I had the
   first time and I pray I get as nice of an experience this time.

Support is important so that a new mother does not start to feel to overwhelmed or get too frustrated as she is adjusting to her new role.  Emotional as well as physical support is vital during this time for the new mom.  Support can come in all forms: a partner, a parent, other moms, other women, or friends.  It does not matter who it is, as long as they are there to help the mother with whatever they can.  Sometimes all it takes is telling the new mom that they are doing a great job, because as humans we are always convinced that someone else could be doing a better job.

 This period should be all about bonding for the mother and baby.  That is why it is so important to have maternity leave.  Unfortunately, maternity leave in our country is only 6 weeks.  Somehow, our country got this false idea that a woman only needs 6 weeks to bond with her baby and adjust to motherhood.  In actuality, 6 weeks ( 1 month and a half) is hardly anytime at all to adjust, instead it may be just long enough to realize that this baby is really here and will be here forever. Around this time most mothers are probably just getting the hang of breastfeeding and just starting to figure out a schedule that works for them; having to leave their baby at this time and go back to work can be like taking two steps backwards.

The United States is behind the majority of other industrialized countries in maternity leave, almost all other countries have maternity leave of 3 months or more.  It is a shame that our country does not value family time as much as other countries do; instead, our country focuses on productivity and moneymaking.  This makes moving overseas a very tempting option to those of us who plan on having families in the future, to live in a country where family truly comes first… what a concept.

Reading over my long, involved birth story, I have decided not to share it here.  But I do want to talk about its essence: the messages, lessons and gifts I received from the birth.

Like every second birth story, mine begins with the first birth.  A birth beyond anyone’s expectations.  4.5 hours from start to finish, at 37 weeks, 2 days, at a homebirth midwife’s birth cabins.  I felt like I emerged from that birth with medals and cheering crowds.  Who would believe my body could do something so incredible?  All I had had to do was get out of the way, and with the help of the intensive emotional preparation I had done, I was able to let go and let my body birth.  There had been no time for so many of the things I had thought to try; I wanted to sing, I wanted to pray, I wanted to relax, I wanted to birth in the water.  None of these things were possible, but they weren’t needed, either.  It was better than I ever could have imagined.

So naturally, I approached this second birth with a lot of expectations.  That it would be early.  That it would be fast.  I fantasized about giving birth by myself accidentally.  I was planning to give birth at home this time with a midwife from the area.  But because I recognized that my expectations would probably be harmful in allowing myself to let go and let my body birth, I tried my best to release them.  I repeated the mantra over and over: Every birth is different.

Well… early it was.  In fact, I went on moderate bed rest at 34 weeks after my midwife discovered some dilation and effacement, as we both knew my history and I did not want to have to go to the hospital to deliver preterm.  I set my “earliest possible date” as September 4th and I pleaded with my unborn child to wait until then.  (I hope that’s the first and last time he follows the letter of my request and not the spirit!)  And there was so much tension leading up to that day, especially because my own midwife would not be in the country until I was 38 weeks, 1 day, and it looked more and more like I would have to use a backup… which complicated things further because we were expecting the birth to be very fast and I needed someone on call who would be close by.

But the birth was, indeed, totally different.  I ended up going back to those same cabins to birth with the same midwife as last time, and she was very perplexed as my birth unfolded slowly, gently, with breaks between contractions like I had never known from the previous pregnancy.  There was time to breathe.  Time to sing.  Time to pray.  Time to get in the bath.  And yes, there was even some time to experience doubt, exhaustion and impatience as the contractions reached their height and we waited for the membranes to rupture spontaneously.  The birth was 8 hours long.  But I stayed relaxed and focused.  I smiled and chatted with my husband.  It didn’t bother me at all that this birth wasn’t a speedbirth like last time.  I had some time to enjoy it, to digest it, to experience it.

Yes, it was harder.  I had a much longer transition.  The hormones that totally blurred my memory of the latter part of the first birth weren’t nearly as powerful this second time around.  It was different, but it was wonderful in its own right.

After the birth I told my brother I felt like I didn’t “come back with medals” like last time.  But my husband said to me that he thought it was the very opposite.  Sure, that first time was so impressive objectively.  My body was incredible, and I was able to step aside and let it work.  But this time required much more from me.  Patience.  Endurance.  Faith.  Acceptance.  Self-encouragement.  And I rose to the challenge and met it with just as much grace as I had with that easier birth.

So, it’s true.  Every birth is different.  But as it turns out, the mother within stays the same–wise, patient, powerful and enduring.  May we all merit to connect with her in day-to-day life as well as in those moments of birth.

Yuck! $100 bucks every month or so? That’s 280 diapers at $80. Twelve months of diapers for two kids is $960.00 plus wipes put you well over $1,000 for diapers, per year!

Now let’s talk about waste. Here’s a little environmental tangent: If you are going through about 280 diapers per month (2 kids), that is 3,360 diapers that you are putting into a landfill a year! Putting this in a landfill creates hazardous waste (human urine and feces), creating an immediate public health hazard. Diapers containing viruses from human feces (including live vaccines from routine childhood immunizations) can leak into the Earth and pollute underground water supplies. In addition to the potential of groundwater contamination, air-borne viruses carried by flies and other insects contribute to an unhealthy and unsanitary situation.

Material waste is yet another consequence of reliance on single-use diapers. From the time a single-use diaper is put on a baby, it may have a useful life of a few hours at most. Since there is no other application of the single-use diaper, use of this product in the U.S. alone wastes nearly 100,000 tons of plastic and 800,000 tons of pulp derived from trees.

Add to these material losses the cost of collection and disposal. With the average U.S. landfill tipping fee about $27 per ton of material (some landfills are over $100 per ton), and the average transportation cost to landfills about $48 per ton, we pay an average of $75 per ton or $350 million annually in the U.S. to get rid of single-use diapers! For every consumer dollar spent on so-called disposable diapers, an additional, hidden cost of $0.10 on average goes to pay for disposal.

Few quantitative studies are available that provide numbers on the amount of diapers and fecal matter that end up in landfills. However, assuming that approximately 18 billion diapers are sold year each, and that over 90 percent of this end up at landfills, this translates into more than 4,275,000 tons of disposable diapers trucked to landfills each year. Add the remaining 10 percent that end up in resource recovery plants for a total of 4,500,000 tons of single-use diapers thrown away this year!

Okay, these numbers are a bit startling and we all wish we could “do our part” but it seems like something that so many of us don’t even consider.

A friend let me borrow a stash of different diapers to try. It took me a couple of weeks to ready myself to use them. I was worried, like most moms are about the convenience of use. I was worried about the washing process and specifically dreading cleaning up the poop.

I have to say that after just two days of use, the diapers won me over. It really is easy to wash them. The cloth diapers that I tried are All-In-One – AIOs are fitted diapers that have a waterproof outer layer. This layer usually consists of fabric that has a PUL (Polyurethane Laminate) backing, fleece or wool. These are the closest in similarity to disposable diapers since they are a one-piece diapering system. The absorbent soaker material is often sewn into the diaper; it may also be detachable.

There are many different cloth diapering options that allow for flexibility and affordability. Here is a cloth diapering terminology reference:

http://www.diaperjungle.com/cloth-diaper-terminology.html

When the diaper is wet, you simply take it off and put it in a diaper pail or a waterproof bag if you are away from the house. If it is soiled, you should shake or scoop the poop off into the toilet and then rinse the diaper before putting it into the diaper pail (garbage pail with liner or garbage bag will work). If you are away from home though, it can wait until you get home to be taken care of, you can just stick them in the waterproof bag. The rinsing is to prevent both stink and staining.

These diapers go through a pretty easy wash cycle and the cycle’s directions vary according to the make of the diaper. For the diapers that I purchased, it is recommended that they go through two washes (cold, than hot) and a double rinse with 1/4 the recommended amount of detergent. Then you can just stick them into the dryer or line dry them. Once a month, it is recommended that you add bleach to a load to sanitize them.

There is a recommended detergent list for cloth diapers. This is because it is better for the diapers to be free of any added perfumes, dyes, or other additives. This can prevent absorbency, be bad for baby’s skin, and do some wear and tear on the material.

Detergent list: http://www.diaperjungle.com/detergent-chart.html

So far, my experience has been really positive. As a mother of a one year old and another baby on the way within the next month, I can gladly say that I have no hesitation that cloth diapering will work for our family. It really does not seem like extra work to me, saves us a ton of money and helps out our mother earth.

Thanks to those who have supported this life change! I believe we’ll be happier and healthier because of it.

Amy

After speaking with my midwife the other day, we came to the conclusion that I may need to eat more foods rich in iron. I did not take a formal test or anything but just have been feeling tired again lately. In a pregnant woman’s second and third trimester, it is really important to increase her protein intake because this is when the baby is growing the fastest. This will also help keep the mother’s energy levels up.

I am proud to say that this had been on my radar before my midwife suggested it. And that in general, pregnancy has made me a better eater. I was never a bad eater, always leaning towards the healthy side of things. There was an 8-year stint where I was a vegetarian after declaring one day in junior high school that I didn’t like meat. And I was a strict, young vegetarian, never consuming ANY products with meat (including fish) in them. During that, there were short times when I tried to be vegan because I love animals so much but I love cheese, chocolate, and ice cream more. Then there was a long stretch of college where I thought I was superwoman and worked full time and attended school more than full time (18-21 credits per semester). This ended the vegetarianism. I was too burnt out, and too poor to afford expensive veggie protein to feed myself properly, and too busy to be creative with meal choices to increase my protein so I turned to the dark side and ate some chicken. Fast-forward about 7 years and now I enjoy all foods equally and still have a soft spot in my heart and belly for veggie delights!

My point is; through my life of relatively healthy eating, I have never felt as healthy as I do since becoming a mom (which I count as finding out I was pregnant with my first baby). From that point on, my eating changed from what I want to eat, to what my baby needs to eat and what foods my baby needs to nurse and grow big and strong. I have developed a way of eating that I call “intuitive eating”. I did not read a book about this though I know that they exist. I literally, just plan out my meals, shop for foods, and stand in front of my refrigerator and think “what does my body need right now?”, “what does the baby need right now?” “Have I had my protein for the day?” “My grains?” “My fruits and veggies?” etc…I eat really clean, part for my love of the farmer’s market and part because it’s easiest for me. I buy a bunch of fruits and veggies for the week, protein for each day in the week, and dairy (and dairy alternatives). I always have healthy fats (peanut butter, avocado, olive oil, butter, etc ) and grains in stock. Each day I put together whatever combination of what I have based on my hunger and nutritional needs for the day.

When I was pregnant with daughter #1, I gained 35 lbs. I did not try/ try not to gain this amount of weight, I just listened to what my body needed and in return it gave me an easy natural labor and birth process and a healthy baby girl. My midwife said that “every woman’s body is perfect for her baby” when women get snarky comments from observers for “looking too big, too small, etc. I love this. Anyway, after she was born I lost 20 lbs of it almost instantly (baby’s weight, uterus, fluids, placenta) and then breastfed her. In addition to the 35 lbs I gained, I lost an extra 15. I did not “work out”. I just listened to what my body needed, ate healthily, consciously, and the weight came off. There were times where I would pass on dessert and that’s pretty much it.

When you have a baby that you nourish through nursing, you are responsible for how they are growing. Even if I wanted to, was tempted to, for my daughter’s well being I could not develop an unhealthy way of eating. It truly saddens me that women are blasted with media that talks about “getting your body back after baby” and that celebrities flaunt their bikini-ready bodies weeks after birth. In my experience, there was no way I was going to work out on a consistent basis with a newborn. AND there was no way I was willing to try ANY kind of diet. What I look like in a skimpy outfit is not important, what is important is the health of my child and myself. What worked for me is truly listening to my body’s needs, my baby’s needs, and making conscious choices.

While working on a mural I am painting for my daughter’s room this week, I was thinking about how I am in the “nesting” phase of pregnancy. I am actually preparing a new space for my older daughter and the new baby will move into the current nursery after a period of co-sleeping with my husband and I.

This got me thinking about how women prepare for birth. Do many pregnant women feel they are prepared for labor? Do women enter labor in a calm state of mind and feel confident that they know what to do, their partner knows what to do, and they have full trust in their care providers?

We prepare everything else for a new baby. We buy mass amounts of baby gear after doing hours upon hours of research about the “safest” and the most functional brands. We gather tons of baby clothes and blankets and wash them before hand. We buy an infant seat and put it in our car weeks before our due dates AND we prepare the baby’s nursery.

But do many American women feel prepared for labor? How about the ability to labor naturally, without intervention?

The answer is no. American women are scared of birth. Fear has been set into us at an early age. Pitocin, epidurals, and C-sections are part of our culture. Why would we try to birth naturally when we don’t have to be prepared? We go to the hospital and they take care of things for us. The job is out of our hands once the heavy contractions start. And we aren’t allowed to make decisions when we are “in that state” anyway.

What if we made child birthing classes mandatory? What if we showed all those wonderful natural birthing videos that birthing advocate mommas and caregivers have seen? What if women left feeling empowered to have the strength and courage to labor naturally? There may be less medical interventions and c-sections! There may be less premature babies and babies may be born in a less traumatic way! Breastfeeding may be easier! Why, it may just turn the healthcare industry upside down!!

Fear and helplessness is running our birthing community. Shout it from the rooftops, and educate women that they are strong, birth is empowering, and most importantly, that they have a choice. Tell them it is a good idea to prepare your mind and body for birth, just like you prepare the baby clothing and a place for the baby to sleep.

Preparedness refers to the state of being prepared for specific or unpredictable events or situations. Preparedness is an important quality in achieving goals and in avoiding and mitigating negative outcomes.

My daughter's mural

You know, I started out my motherhood with this amazing, incredible natural birth that left me glowing with power.  I was a first-time mother, but I was pretty confident in my ability to know what was best for my son.  For the first three months of his life I was totally in tune with him; I knew instinctively, as I had during the pregnancy and the birth, that everything was fine, that he was growing beautifully despite being born quite small, that he would nurse like a champion, that his development would be right on schedule.  I knew because I was the mother, and that was that.

And then he was diagnosed with bilateral congenital cataracts.  He had been totally blind for the first three months of his life.

Kind of pulls the rug out from under your feet, doesn’t it.

I don’t need to describe to you the struggles of the nine months that have since passed.  No one can really tell you what it’s like to place your three-month-old baby on an operating table and watch him scream and struggle as a mask is placed over him, then just sort of fade away.  Or to digest the fact that he will always be visually impaired, even if not too seriously.  Or to understand that his nystagmus–jerky, involuntary eye movements–will probably never go away, only improve.  Or to drag him to various specialists and therapists trying to intervene early, make up for lost time in his visual development and encourage his motor development which had fallen behind as a result.  But if you are a mother, you will understand when I say the word guilt.  That I should have known.  That I deprived my son of three months of vision by not knowing, by letting the pediatrician’s recommendation to double check that red reflex get lost in the shuffle because we thought–and had been told by the nurses who had recently checked him at six weeks–that he was tracking.

Maybe I didn’t know best after all.

In the past week my son has been very ill–high, high fevers and severe discomfort.  At the start of it all my husband took him to the emergency center, where a terse doctor ignored his recent history of ear infections and the antibiotics he had been taking, grudgingly confirmed our diagnosis that it was indeed another ear infection and prescribed the same antibiotics as last time.  The first thing I asked upon this report was “And she knew he was just on it?”  To me it seemed pretty clear that this infection was leftover from the one just two weeks ago, which in and of itself had been leftover from one a week and a half before it–and that what was needed was stronger antibiotics.

In the days that followed and the many pediatrician visits therein, I didn’t think to mention this because I figured that the pediatrician–who’d probably seen hundreds of ear infections–would know if the infection wasn’t clearing up.  But just today when I called to let him know that my son’s fever had again spiked to 102.2, he said he wanted us to see the ENT to make sure the ear infection had really passed.  Lo and behold, it hadn’t.  “Get this kid some stronger antibiotics!”

Yeah.  Sometimes we’re wrong.  Sometimes we just lack the experience or medical knowledge to sense that something isn’t right.  But most of the time we do anyway.  It’s that same inner voice that tells us what to do during birth, leading our bodies to move and change positions exactly right to ease our babies’ passage into the world.  It’s that same inner whisper that wakes us five seconds before our child starts crying, or sets off the let-down reflex when our babies are hungry even if they are miles away.

Mama knows best, and nothing will ever change that.

All she wanted was to birth a healthy baby
She was excited about the months ahead
She knew her baby was a blessing
She wanted what was best
She changed her diet and started exercising
She wanted to birth a healthy baby
So she did what the books and websites told her

All she wanted was to birth a healthy baby
A boy is what they told her
She never NEEDED an ultrasound
She knew EXACTLY when the one night of passion that created the life happened
She wanted the gender to be a surprise
Her measurements were always right on target
She never really wanted an ultrasound
But they made her feel like something could be wrong
Something that only the magic wand with goopy gel could tell her
She wanted to birth a healthy baby
So she conceded and did what her providers told her

All she wanted was to birth a healthy baby
They said the baby looked big
Just last week, her measurements were right on target
She did not understand
She wanted to birth a healthy baby
Would his size really make a difference?
Before now she had faith in her body
But they made her feel unsure
She wanted to birth a healthy baby
So she listened, and scheduled another ultrasound

All she wanted was to birth a healthy baby
The repeat ultrasound showed the baby had gained more weight
How accurate are those things anyway?
Wasn?t the baby supposed to be gaining weight?
Nine pounds didn?t sound too big to her
Big babies ran in her family!
But predictions of a term birth weight of 10lbs made her doubtful
Her trust in her innate abilities began to fade. She became fearful
She wanted to birth a healthy baby
So she listened to her providers and scheduled her induction with a closed cervix, and intense fear

She came as she was instructed at 5am
She had gotten no sleep,
She had eaten no food
She was operating off adrenaline, and she was full of fear and anticipation
She wanted to birth a healthy baby
So she followed the rules and listened to what they said was best
The entire day seemed to be a rapidly moving blur of various demands, commands, and instructions

Put on this gown
Get in this bed
Let me start this IV
We are going to start Pitocin
You have to keep still
You have to stay in bed
You have to keep the monitors on
They are here to break your water
No you can?t get out of bed
We need to use these internal monitors
No you can?t have any water and certainly no food
Here? are a few ice chips
Didn?t your doctor tell you how this was going to go?!
Yes of course it?s painful
YOU should get an epidural and for the last time NO you can?t get out of bed
I am glad you are finally comfortable
Let me put this tube in your bladder, you won?t feel it
Hope you don?t get an infection
We are going to increase the Pitocin
Your baby?s heart rate dropped
Quick, turn to your left side
Breathe this oxygen
You are only 4 cm dilated
I?m going to call your doctor
Open the OR its 5PM!
Lets get her ready for her c/section?..

All she wanted was to birth a healthy baby
In her heart she wanted to speak up,
But she wanted to birth a healthy baby so she took their advice
She listened to her doctor
She listened to her nurse
When all along she was waiting for someone, anyone, is there one? all she wanted was one,
One person to hear HER voice
One person to help make HER voice louder and stronger

All she wanted was to birth a healthy baby?.and it seems everyone else, just wanted to control the process

Nicole Deggins, CNM -? www.yourbirthright.com
_{This poem was used as the opening to a presentation I gave at the national AWHONN Conference in San Diego Presentation title:? Using the Evidence to Reclaim the Role of Patient Advocate.}

This is a part of the birth poetry contest.