Nesting Tales

You may have heard of a peculiar phenomenon that happens to women during the latter part of their pregnancies.  Much like other animals, women start feeling a strange urge to prepare their environment for the birth and the new baby.

This often starts out innocently enough.  Things start catching her eye, like the extra layer of dust on the bookshelf that she hadn’t given much though to before, or the pile of old baby clothes at the bottom of the linen closet that were meant to be sorted years ago.  Some women nest very practically, preparing the nursery, washing clothes, cooking and freezing meals and putting the house in order.  Some women, like me, nest totally impractically.  I ignore the laundry, the dusty rugs, the messy closets, and instead feel an inexplicable need to polish the silver.  Many women experience what I call “consumer nesting”, and find themselves wandering up and down the aisles of baby stores like a kid trying to pick out a birthday present, or obsessively surfing the Internet for hours on end to find just the right baby carrier.

As time goes on, this need to prepare the nest can slowly develop into a kind of existential panic about everything needing to be ready right now.  Last pregnancy I found myself standing in the middle of a baby store crying to my husband that “We need SOMETHING, I don’t know WHAT, but WE’RE JUST NOT READY!!!”  (To his great credit, instead of laughing or rolling his eyes at my pregnancy-induced insanity, he very calmly explained that we have everything we need, if we need anything else our parents will be around to get it for us, and why don’t we buy this package of diapers and wipes to make me feel better.)  To me it wasn’t enough to know that the resources were out there.  I needed to know exactly where everything we needed was going to be and have a precise plan ready for Birthing Day.

It was to my great fortune last time that I had done great mental preparation for the possibility of giving birth late… and ended up giving birth quite early.  I didn’t really have a chance to put much thought into the timing and logistics of the birth.  This time, due to a number of annoying circumstances including moderate bed rest from 34 weeks and my midwife being absent for the first week and a half of my being considered full term, I have had far too much opportunity to freak out about backup midwives, the High Holidays and exactly how we would be able to fit the birth into these things.  The Jewish New Year being next week we have finally sorted out our plans and we have two backup midwives on call, one of whom delivered the previous baby and one of whom we will be meeting this evening.  Our gear is almost all together and I am finally starting to feel relief.  But getting to this point was not easy at all.

I think the most important thing in dealing with this type of “nesting anxiety” is to recognize it for what it is: a biological need for security.  Like a cat scouting out linen closets, I am preparing my environment for the upcoming birth and the new baby.  Once I understood this and was able to help my husband understand, it was easier to sort out what needed to be done to help me feel more secure and ready.  It was strange to him that I had a desperate need for the homebirth supplies to be bought and stowed in one place before I was even full term, especially given that there was a real possibility that we would have to have a premature hospital birth.  Once he understood that like many pregnancy-related things, logic had nothing at all to do with it… he was able to take my need seriously and help me prepare.

And yes, in case you’re wondering.  I did end up polishing the silver.

What crazy things did you do when you were nesting?

Cloth Diapering for a Modern Momma

This week, I ventured into the world of cloth diapering. I was previously a virgin to this momma movement and had not really seriously considered participating in it. I had used one brand disposables that worked great for us since the day my daughter was born. The idea came to me after a shocking reality of how much diapers for two young babies will cost me (I have a 13 month old and another one on the way in a month) I ordered two cases recently in preparation for my daughter’s birth, one newborn sized and one size fours for my one year old. Buying by the case saves some money, but not much. It was $80, $100 bucks with wipes.

Yuck! $100 bucks every month or so? That’s 280 diapers at $80. Twelve months of diapers for two kids is $960.00 plus wipes put you well over $1,000 for diapers, per year!

Now let’s talk about waste. Here’s a little environmental tangent: If you are going through about 280 diapers per month (2 kids), that is 3,360 diapers that you are putting into a landfill a year! Putting this in a landfill creates hazardous waste (human urine and feces), creating an immediate public health hazard. Diapers containing viruses from human feces (including live vaccines from routine childhood immunizations) can leak into the Earth and pollute underground water supplies. In addition to the potential of groundwater contamination, air-borne viruses carried by flies and other insects contribute to an unhealthy and unsanitary situation.

Material waste is yet another consequence of reliance on single-use diapers. From the time a single-use diaper is put on a baby, it may have a useful life of a few hours at most. Since there is no other application of the single-use diaper, use of this product in the U.S. alone wastes nearly 100,000 tons of plastic and 800,000 tons of pulp derived from trees.

Add to these material losses the cost of collection and disposal. With the average U.S. landfill tipping fee about $27 per ton of material (some landfills are over $100 per ton), and the average transportation cost to landfills about $48 per ton, we pay an average of $75 per ton or $350 million annually in the U.S. to get rid of single-use diapers! For every consumer dollar spent on so-called disposable diapers, an additional, hidden cost of $0.10 on average goes to pay for disposal.

Few quantitative studies are available that provide numbers on the amount of diapers and fecal matter that end up in landfills. However, assuming that approximately 18 billion diapers are sold year each, and that over 90 percent of this end up at landfills, this translates into more than 4,275,000 tons of disposable diapers trucked to landfills each year. Add the remaining 10 percent that end up in resource recovery plants for a total of 4,500,000 tons of single-use diapers thrown away this year!

Okay, these numbers are a bit startling and we all wish we could “do our part” but it seems like something that so many of us don’t even consider.

A friend let me borrow a stash of different diapers to try. It took me a couple of weeks to ready myself to use them. I was worried, like most moms are about the convenience of use. I was worried about the washing process and specifically dreading cleaning up the poop.

I have to say that after just two days of use, the diapers won me over. It really is easy to wash them. The cloth diapers that I tried are All-In-One – AIOs are fitted diapers that have a waterproof outer layer. This layer usually consists of fabric that has a PUL (Polyurethane Laminate) backing, fleece or wool. These are the closest in similarity to disposable diapers since they are a one-piece diapering system. The absorbent soaker material is often sewn into the diaper; it may also be detachable.

There are many different cloth diapering options that allow for flexibility and affordability. Here is a cloth diapering terminology reference:

http://www.diaperjungle.com/cloth-diaper-terminology.html

When the diaper is wet, you simply take it off and put it in a diaper pail or a waterproof bag if you are away from the house. If it is soiled, you should shake or scoop the poop off into the toilet and then rinse the diaper before putting it into the diaper pail (garbage pail with liner or garbage bag will work). If you are away from home though, it can wait until you get home to be taken care of, you can just stick them in the waterproof bag. The rinsing is to prevent both stink and staining.

These diapers go through a pretty easy wash cycle and the cycle’s directions vary according to the make of the diaper. For the diapers that I purchased, it is recommended that they go through two washes (cold, than hot) and a double rinse with 1/4 the recommended amount of detergent. Then you can just stick them into the dryer or line dry them. Once a month, it is recommended that you add bleach to a load to sanitize them.

There is a recommended detergent list for cloth diapers. This is because it is better for the diapers to be free of any added perfumes, dyes, or other additives. This can prevent absorbency, be bad for baby’s skin, and do some wear and tear on the material.

Detergent list: http://www.diaperjungle.com/detergent-chart.html

So far, my experience has been really positive. As a mother of a one year old and another baby on the way within the next month, I can gladly say that I have no hesitation that cloth diapering will work for our family. It really does not seem like extra work to me, saves us a ton of money and helps out our mother earth.

Thanks to those who have supported this life change! I believe we’ll be happier and healthier because of it.

Amy

Ecstatic Birth

I just finished renting and watching the film “Orgasmic Birth” http://www.orgasmicbirth.com/

I have to say I was more than skeptical about this film purely based on the title. However, I was impressed by the quality and amount of information that the film provided. For those who have not seen the film, it does discuss the possibility of orgasm during birth but also discusses the possibility of ecstatic birth which to me, seems more realistic.

As Dr. Sarah Buckley in 2005 explains  http://www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/ecstatic-birth.htm

“Giving birth is an act of love, and each birth is unique to the mother and her baby. Yet we also share the same womanly physiology, and the same exquisite orchestration of our birthing hormones. Our capacity for ecstasy in birth is also both unique and universal, a necessary blessing that is hard-wired into our bodies, yet that requires, especially in these times, that we each trust, honor, and protect the act of giving birth according to our own instincts and needs”

“Giving birth in ecstasy: This is our birthright and our body’s intent. Mother Nature, in her wisdom, prescribes birthing hormones that take us outside (ec) our usual state (stasis), so that we can be transformed on every level as we enter motherhood.

This exquisite hormonal orchestration unfolds optimally when birth is undisturbed, enhancing safety for both mother and baby. Science is also increasingly discovering what we realise as mothers – that our way of birth affects us life-long, both mother and baby, and that an ecstatic birth — a birth that takes us beyond our self — is the gift of a life-time.

Four major hormonal systems are active during labor and birth. These involve oxytocin, the hormone of love; endorphins, hormones of pleasure and transcendence; adrenaline and noradrenaline (epinephrine and norepinephrine), hormones of excitement; and prolactin, the mothering hormone. These systems are common to all mammals and originate deep in our mammalian or middle brain.

For birth to proceed optimally, this part of the brain must take precedence over the neocortex, or rational brain. This shift can be helped by an atmosphere of quiet and privacy with, for example, dim lighting and little conversation, and no expectation of rationality from the laboring woman. Under such conditions a woman intuitively will choose the movements, sounds, breathing, and positions that will birth her baby most easily. This is her genetic and hormonal blueprint.

All of these systems are adversely affected by current birth practices. Hospital environments and routines are not generally conducive to the shift in consciousness that giving birth naturally requires. A woman’s hormonal physiology is further disturbed by practices such as induction, the use of pain killers and epidurals, cesarean surgery, and separation of mother and baby after birth.

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My personal experience was not an “orgasmic birth” but I would call it an “ecstatic birth”. I never felt painful contractions. I was able to go “inside of myself” and concentrate on meeting my baby.

Here it is. I wrote this story down after my daughter Ellen’s birth to share with friends and family.

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The film points out that many women that have positive birth stories, feel like they should not share them because so many women have negative birth experiences with endless interventions, cesareans, etc. But I believe that we need to all share our birth experiences so that women are aware of the many different ways birth can be. No two births are the same and there are many ways to give birth.

The film is worth watching. You can “rent” it for 7 days on Amazon for only $1.99 and please read the full article from Dr. Sarah Buckley

Amy

Breastfeeding: Gratitude

I always knew I would breastfeed. I was lucky enough to be breastfed myself, lucky enough to grow up in an era (the 70′s) when natural birth and parenting were popular, lucky enough to be born in a region of the U.S. (northern California) where breastfeeding was the norm. As a result, I was breastfed for 18 months by a mother who was never breastfed herself. Long enough that I have what I think is a single, fleeting, flash of a memory of actually doing it: it was evening, my mom lifted me into her lap, into the rocking chair in our living room, and then: comfort. That’s all I have. But this little scrap of a memory was enough to sustain the idea that I would always breastfeed my own children, even when natural parenting seemed to dip in popularity, when many of my childhood friends proclaimed it was gross, or later that they didn’t want to ‘ruin’ their boobs by nursing babies.

When my daughter was born, I assumed that this normal, natural function of my body & partnership with my new baby would happen easily, seamlessly. I had the right attitude, I had the right equipment & now I had the baby. Boy, was I wrong. Gretta was born ‘tongue-tied’ – the little piece of skin that attaches our tongues to the bottom of our mouths was too short – and she had terrible difficulty latching on. It went undiagnosed in the hospital and for five long, miserable days after she was born we struggled with nursing. Struggled to the point that if she was held cross-body (for any reason), she’d start crying (and so would I).

I think many moms would have given up at this point, opened up a can of formula and never looked back. Again, I was lucky – I had the support you’d expect of my mother, my midwives, my husband, and also health insurance that covered the rental of a hospital-grade pump. But also, and maybe most importantly, some unexpected support: our pediatrician.

At our first doctor visit a couple of days after she was born, Gretta had lost several ounces – he was surprisingly unconcerned. I told him we were really having trouble nursing, that she would take a little pumped breast milk, but not latch on despite the efforts of two midwives and the advice of many La Leche moms. Without blinking an eye, opened up his closet, took out a formula feeding kit (my heart dropped), REMOVED THE FORMULA (my eyebrows went up), leaving bottles and a carrying case for pumped milk, and then gave me the number of the mother of one of his clients who happened to be a lactation consultant. It was so simple – he acted like what we were going through was normal, to be expected & FIXABLE. That simple act – removing the formula from that free-sample case – demonstrated so clearly to me that despite Gretta’s weight loss & continued difficulty latching on, he was confident that breastfeeding was the best choice & that we’d get it worked out. It was in a word: awesome.

The lactation consultant we saw was nothing short of magic – she had us breastfeeding in 20 minutes, no looking back. At the time she was my savior, manna from heaven, my breastfeeding goddess. In retrospect though, I think the real hero of this story is that pediatrician. He was in a position to make or break my breastfeeding relationship with my daughter & he chose to support us. Had he been an alarmist, had he been overly concerned with Gretta’s weight loss, had he sent us home with formula, if he hadn’t trusted the lactation consultant – I’m not sure, even given my resolve, my upbringing, and my education if I would have been able to go on to develop the care-free, amazing nursing relationship Gretta and I shared.

I’d like to celebrate this year’s World Breastfeeding Week by giving kudos to those people in our lives whose help we needed to do one of the most normal & rewarding things on the planet: feed our babies. Please take a moment to add a comment with the names and contact info (and stories if you want!) of breastfeeding-friendly professionals who helped you along the way.

Pediatrician:
Izak Reischer MD
Phone: (718) 268-6200
72-38 113th Street
Forest Hills, NY, 11375

Lactation Consultant:
Catherine Watson Genna, BS, IBCLC
Email: cwgenna@covad.net
Phone: 718 846-2323
Location: Woodhaven, Queens, NY
More info: http://lactspeak.com/speakers/CatherineWatson%20Genna/

Unnecessary Comparison

As I approach the birth of my second baby I am thinking about things that I have done and have decided to do differently this time around because of things I have learned along the way with my first baby.

I have always been a woman that is rooted strongly in the liberal side of the political spectrum. My footing comes from a very liberal women’s college that I attended where I “found myself”. The thing is, if you asked me in the first half of my first pregnancy about “radical” ideas like natural birth, baby-wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, & selective vaccinating to name a few, I was too new to parenting to have formed strong opinion. You just don’t know until you are there. They don’t teach you this stuff in school (or out of school for that matter). No matter who you are there is not a “parenting 101? class that women take, you learn what parenting styles fit you along the way.

My point is that women need to be more trusting of their instincts to learn what is right for them. Parenting is not a “one-size fits all” job, as we all know. What worked for me with my first pregnancy and first baby, I am now adjusting to better fit my current beliefs. I find that sometimes mothers get hung up on “what’s best”. Have you ever asked yourself these questions?

- What brand of ______ is best for the baby?

- What should I and shouldn’t I do during pregnancy?

- What way of birthing is best? (Natural, medicated, C-section)

- What is better, breast milk or bottle?

- What is the best way for my baby to sleep?

- What do I do about vaccines?

We need to be cautious that what we are asking is not “what’s best” for ALL mothers but “what’s best” for you. We practice a lot of unnecessary comparison.

Let me give an example: I am having a baby shower and registering for gifts. Out of curiosity, I choose the registry button that says something like “see what other mothers picks are” and when I do this, I find that what I would like for this baby is vastly different from what the “majority button” thinks that I need for my newborn.

One of my biggest pet peeves is unsolicited parenting advice. You know, you’ve been there. We all try our hardest to do things “right” for our children and then someone comes along and knocks you off your rocker.

What is right for that mother may not be right for you. We make unnecessary comparisons all the time. As women, we are sadly programmed to do this. We compare ourselves to others all the time.

We grow along the way. We find mom friends that we feel comfortable sharing our mothering ideas with (no matter how radical), and then we hit the sweet spot where you get this instinctual feeling that you know something (an idea or a parenting philosophy) is right for you. This comes from trial and tribulation, from being naive, vulnerable, educated, and sometimes radical. It takes effort to change one’s thinking. Because your neighbor, friend, relative, doctor thinks you should do things one-way because it is “right”. Take a step back and ask “right for whom?” The only person that is able to determine who it is right for is you.

Accept education in all forms, just be cautious of getting caught up in ideas that don’t feel “right”. Trust your instincts. Give advice when asked for your OPINION (not know-all), and don’t judge others for choices they make.

Amy

I didn’t plan to be a nursing mom…

I didn’t always plan to be a nursing mom. In fact up until I was about 23 years old I had never even known anyone who breastfed their child. At this time I worked with a group of women who were all breastfeeding their children and we got into a discussion about it. They taught me all about how amazing and wonderful breastmilk is for babies. I finally asked ‘So why doesn’t everyone just breastfeed’ and they all just shook their heads that they didn’t know. Man that moment stuck with me. Fast forward about 5 years to the beginning of my first pregnancy. I instantly knew I would breastfeed our baby. When I learned a few weeks later we were expecting twins my resolve weakened a little. Is it even possible to nurse more than one baby? Could I do that? Would I want to? Would it just be too much to deal with?
I was very fortunate to have a friend who had twins about six months before I did and she was successfully nursing them. She gave me one of the greatest pieces of advice I had ever been given. If you want to do it, don’t ‘TRY’ to do it. Get educated, get support and just do it. She suggested I contact the local La Leche League to attend their meetings while I was pregnant. I wasn’t too sure about that, since I had heard some of the women could be pretty extreme in their advocacy, but I decided to look into it. I was so excited to see that one of the leaders in my area had nursed twins. I contacted her immediately and she invited me to a meeting. When I was about 5 months pregnant I attended my first meeting. In the 3 1/2 years that have followed I have only missed a handful of these meetings. This group became my ‘place’ they helped me learn and to see the pitfalls that I may encounter at the hospital and how to handle them. They helped me to understand that while three o’clock in the morning may seem like the loneliest time of day when you are awake for the tenth time nursing yet again, it isn’t simply because of all the women who have been in your shoes who had survived just as I would.
In the early days the only place I felt really comfortable taking the twins alone was to a La Leche meeting. This was my monthly sanity saver for about 3-4 months. They helped me to feel comfortable with my own children. I set small breastfeeding goals for us. Two weeks, two months, 6 months, suddenly a year had passed and I couldn’t believe the pride I felt. I had given my babies the greatest gift in the world for over a year. It was no longer a struggle to nurse (in fact it really hadn’t been since the very first few months) and we had really found our groove as a nursing unit. Because there were two of them nursing granted us so much skin to skin time that I just couldn’t have made possible otherwise. Breastfeeding our twins helped me to connect to them, know them, love them on a level that I could never describe to someone who hadn’t nursed their children. My la leche group gave me that to me and so much more.
They helped me to become comfortable parenting in my own skin and taught me to trust my inner voice and instincts and that these would rarely steer me wrong. When the boys started biting they had suggestions, guidance and sympathy. As I nursed well past their first birthday they helped me to feel good about the gift I was still giving my children. When I again became pregnant and made the choice to gently wean our sons they gave me love and support through what I feared would be a tough process (and in reality it wasn’t!). These women were the first to gently suggest I consider my options with my next birth and eventually were my biggest cheerleaders during my pregnancy and natural birth with our daughter. It was one of my leaders who answered the phone at 4 am the night after Becca was born because she had jaundice and I needed someone to tell me I was not crazy in what I knew was the right course of (non)treatment.
These women have become my friends and I am so fortunate that they have become a part of my life. About a year ago I began the next chapter in breastfeeding book by taking on the role of a La Leche Leader. Now I get to pay forward all those new mommies asking all those questions I once asked. What a wonderful and fulfilling opportunity to help all these moms the way some very special ladies once helped me.
I never planned to be a cosleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, natural birthing, gentle parenting, selective vaxing mama and if it weren’t for my lovely friends from the La Leche League I might never have become one. What a shame that really would have been! So thank you to the founding mothers of La Leche for creating such a group to help us all be the mothers we were meant to be and thank you to all the mothers who helped guide me along my path. My journey as a mother is really just beginning and while I won’t always be an actively breastfeeding mom, I will always be a breastfeeding mom.

Kristen is a counselor, doula and childbirth educator working in Omaha, Nebraska. She is the mother of three children, three year old twin boys Alex and Nate and her VBAC baby Becca, 1 year.

You say you want a revolution….

With the new recommendations on VBAC from ACOG you would think that birth activists would be rejoicing.  The sad reality is that we all know that while ACOG has in varying forms supported VBACs as a choice for women, that the implementation has far differed.  ACOG has never turned the screws on its fellows to actually practice by the guidelines and chances are that this 14 page bulletin will do little more than spark a couple of TODAY show debates with an ill informed Nancy Schniderman camera whore and some celeb of the week who has no medical knowledge but is placed there as the leading authority on natural birth because she had one.

OK now that THAT is out of my system….

How then do we make the change that we so want and need?  Of course we blog, we tell friends, we assault strangers in the grocery store, But on a larger scale I do believe we have an  ally that is both a powerful voice and an authority on the subject of birth, babies and medical safety, Pediatricians.

With overwhelming science showing that birth in the Nuevo-traditional American settings  can be dangerous for both mom and baby, we are sitting back and allowing the obstetrical community to do as they please.  I have time and time again encountered pediatrician grumbling about pre-term babies with breathing issues and other such aliments all because the OB sectioned a mom at 37 weeks because. well because “it was good enough.”  These physicians, are being left to deal with possibly avoidable issues because an OB was not patient enough to wait or worse yet, because they convinced the mother that SHE was not patient enough to wait.

I assure you that if you surveyed pediatricians in your community many of them would have stories much like those of my husbands.  My “favorite” (wince) was the c-section at 35 weeks because the mom was complaining of lower back pain and the OB said “it’s ok…that’s what we have NICUs for.”  While not every pediatrician will be an advocate for home birth, I have found them to be receptive to talking and on a large scale wanting to see some change in the labor units in order to have healthier babies to visit.

Engage pediatricians in your community.  Show them the ACOG bulletin and the local section rates.  It may be a back door, but it might be our way in.

World Breastfeeding Week: Spit or Swallow?

This week is World Breastfeeding week (August 1-7, 2010)!!!!

I thought I’d start off the week with a story about breastfeeding that was told to me that at the time probably wasn’t so funny but now the parents can look back at it and laugh whole-heartedly. In this world we call parenthood, a little humor goes a long way!

My husband and I attended a wedding last October and at the time, our daughter was about 3 months old. I was breastfeeding her at the time and pumping when needed. My mother had offered to take care of her for the night. Anyway, this was a big, fat, polish wedding and as you walked into the reception, you were immediately greeted by glasses of champagne and an open bar in the lobby and on the terrace. My husband and I had other duties to abide to before attending the reception so we were about a half an hour to 45 minutes late to the festivities of the night. Needless to say, everyone was already a bit tipsy upon our arrival!

This was a wedding for a childhood friend of my husband’s, so all of his childhood friends and some of their parents were in attendance. A close friend of his and this friend’s parents greeted us. This couple has three grown children. One child being my husband’s friend, his twin sister, and an older sister. As the night was just getting started, his friend’s mom asked me if I was nursing and I raised my glass and said something like “yeah, she’s with grandma tonight (for the first time) and the pump’s in the car”. Her response was pretty exuberant as she grabbed my arm and said she needed to tell me a story! Here it is…

“When I had the twins we went to a wedding like you, shortly after they were born. We had a great time but by the end of the wedding my boobs were humongous and swollen because I was exclusively breastfeeding two babies! I was in so much pain, when we got to the hotel room I was in tears! When we got there I realized that we had forgotten the pump! I was just a huge sobbing mess and my boobs hurt soooo bad!

So…Harry (the husband) volunteered to suck out the milk! I’ll tell you I never felt better in my life! What a relief!”

And then my husband walked up and asks what the heck we were talking about. He face twisted around in numerous ways (which I thought was hilarious) as she retold the story!

1) This is his childhood friend’s mother whom he grew up with talking about her husband sucking milk out of her boobies

2) This idea had never occurred to him before

After the story retelling my husband turns to Harry, who also had joined in and was smiling like a sly fox. He asks…

“So the question is, did you spit or did you swallow?” We all bust out laughing and then turn to the husband like…eh?

The husband’s reply was something like “Let’s just say I got my extra calories for the day”

THE END

This one is for all those women that are committed to the cause through swollen, engorged, cracked, pinching, burning, biting, pain, and discomfort. You are super heros!

And yes, as I mentioned earlier I remembered my pump for the night!

I swear I have better taste in purses than this!

Much boobie Love and Happy WBW (World Breastfeeding Week)

Amy

Accepting the Unexpected

I prepared for my first birth (and am preparing for my second) with the help of Hypnobirthing, the Mongan Method.  Part of the practice “regimen” is listening to a 25-minute track of Marie Mongan reading birth affirmations–positive statements about birth–over and over again.  The idea of affirmations is that the more you hear something, the more you tend to believe it and the less resistance you have to its message.  Pregnant women are exposed to a plethora of negative messages about what their births will be like, and the positive affirmation track is there to counter that.

I suppose every woman has a few affirmations that speak to her more than the others.  For me, the crux of the collection was this:

I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turn my birthing may take.

I didn’t have a lot of expectations for my birth.  I wasn’t expecting it to be short or easy.  I kept an open mind about Mongan’s claim about birth not needing to be painful, and knew that I would deal with the birth beautifully whether it was painful or not.  But I really, really, really wanted my homebirth.  I was terrified of needing a hospital transfer.  I was terrified of needing a C-section.  I was terrified of letting go of my dream.

I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turn my birthing may take.

I just  couldn’t hear it enough.

But a few weeks before my birth, I came across a very unusual birth story.  It goes as follows.

Sivan was pregnant with her fourth child and preparing for a homebirth.  She was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in the middle of her pregnancy, but she did not let that worry her.  Her 39-week ultrasound estimated the baby’s size at an impressive 4.4 kg (9.7 lbs).  This did not bother her either; she knew how notorious ultrasounds are for being inaccurate.

But her midwife was concerned.  She took a good look at all the factors involved, and told her that with all the data she had, she did not feel safe accepting this birth at home, and with great sympathy told her that in her professional opinion, a C-section would be the safest course for this particular baby.

Sivan was shocked.  She trusted her midwife and knew that she would never recommend a planned C-section without a really good reason, but she couldn’t grasp the idea that her midwife would tell her such a thing.  What about the inaccuracy of ultrasounds?  What about the inaccuracy of the glucose tolerance test?  What about the idea that women’s bodies have been doing this for millenia and know how to birth big babies too?

Eventually she began to accept that her midwife was not just being over-cautious.  In the case of gestational diabetes, it is the shoulders of the baby that put on a lot of weight, and the risk of true shoulder dystocia in this case was too high to ignore.  She did not want to put her baby at risk.

But a C-section?  After all her hopes for a perfect homebirth?

Sivan described going to the beach and watching the waves and wanting to just give birth there, alone, trusting her body to do what it knew how to do, proving to everyone how wrong they were.  She cried for the loss of her dream birth, feeling helpless, hopeless and disempowered.

As she sat there, she got a call from her midwife.  “Just wanted to check in on you.  I know you will be okay.  You’re not the type of person who gets stuck in the past, I got that feeling from you long ago.  Just remember one thing: at the surgery, despite all the disappointment, you are still going to meet your baby.  Remember?  It’s a celebration!  Go in celebration!”

From that moment, something changed.

Sivan went home and informed the hospital that she would not be coming that day, but on Sunday.  And that her surgery would not be on Sunday, but on Tuesday.  Why?  Because that’s what she wanted.  She was taking this birth into her hands.  Who said a C-section couldn’t be an active birth?!

She and her husband arrived at the hospital like a pair of celebrities arriving for their premiere, all dressed up and full of joy.  They asked every staff member for his or her name and chatted with them.  Sivan insisted on sitting, not lying down, on the bed as she was wheeled into the OR.  As the surgeon prepared for the incision, she asked him to tell her exactly what he was doing.  She described the moments of joy as her son was born, and when he was brought to her from across the curtain and put next to her cheek; how she wriggled her arm out of the restraint and stroked him.  Her husband waited with the baby carrier, took the baby and never left his side as the operation was completed.  Sivan insisted on giving the surgeon a hug before she was wheeled to recovery.  Determined to recover and see her baby, as soon as she felt some sensation in her legs she tried to move them, and she expressed some colostrum to prepare her breasts for nursing.  She refused morphium for the pain and had them give her Ibuprofin instead.  The staff was in shock at her quick recovery and determination to function.  When her beautiful, 9.8-pound boy was finally brought to her, she didn’t wait even one minute before attaching him to her breast.  “Don’t you want to wait until we reach the ward?”  The orderly asked in amazement.  No.  Not a chance.

She turned one of the worst nightmares of any homebirther into a positive, happy experience.  A celebration.  After all, a birth is a birth.

I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turn my birthing may take.

After I read that story, something changed in me as well.  I realized that the lack of control I had over my birth did not mean I was helpless.  There is always a choice, and the choice is in your response to the situation you are in.  You can choose to see a C-section as a failure, a nightmare.  Or you can choose to see it as a birth; not what you wanted, not ideal, but a birth nonetheless.

Suddenly, I was able to let go.

And my birth was amazing.

Birth Center Crisis

Birth Center Crisis

Last year I gave birth to my first beautiful and healthy daughter Ellen at a free-standing birth center in Santa Rosa, CA called the Women’s Health and Birth Center http://www.womenshealthandbirthcenter.com/. She was born after a mere 6 hours of labor with the help of wonderful and caring midwives into the water and then into her mommas arms. I received the upmost of care in my hour-long and very personal appointments. I attended birthing, newborn care, and breastfeeding classes there geared towards empowering women to do things naturally, and I will always feel like it is a place that I can visit and feel cared for. My daughter turned one last weekend.

I am sad to report that this amazing place that serves primarily low-income families is recently in threat of shutting it’s doors.

For those who live outside of California here’s a little background info on the issue.

Medi-Cal is California’s Medicaid program. This is a public health insurance program which provides needed health care services for low-income individuals including families with children, seniors, persons with disabilities, foster care, pregnant women, and low income people with specific diseases such as tuberculosis, breast cancer or HIV/AIDS.  Medi-Cal is financed equally by the State and federal government)

Here is a post from Rosanne Gephart, the midwife who founded the practice.

martin.espinoza@pressdemocrat.com (The local paper that has STILL not run the story)

Channel 7 in San Francisco

First Lady Maria Shriver
State Capitol Building
Sacramento, CA 95814
Phone: (916) 445-2841
Fax: (916) 558-3160 ”
Send her a message via Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/mariashriver

“All I want is to take care of women”

Here is a radio interview that she did for our local news.

Rosanne\’s Radio Interview

Youtube Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzvSWdLsHDU

This seems to me like and easy excuse to shut down a midwife-run practice! This is the same discrimination that midwives in New York have been facing!

Please help to continue to allow these much needed services to women!