Husbands and Home Birth

“You call her [the midwife] right now.  I’ve done a lot of crazy [insert expletive] in my life but I am NOT delivering a baby.”

Guest Post by Alyssa Chirco

This was my husband’s response when I realized that the irregular contractions that I had been experiencing all day were getting stronger and coming routinely every four minutes.  He had agreed to the home birth of our second child, but he was adamant that he would not be the one doing any sort of catching or delivering.  It was obvious that the whole thing still sort of freaked him out.

What is it about husbands and home birth?  Most of the women I know have had to either talk their husbands into home birth, or have compromised their own desires and been talked out of home birth by their skeptical partners.  Why are men so afraid of home birth?  And how do we convince them that, for many families, it can be a safe and viable alternative to birth in a hospital?

My own husband’s journey began with my first pregnancy, when I was planning a hospital birth with an obstetrician, but was also intending to have an unmedicated birth.  I hired a doula, and signed us up for Bradley childbirth education classes.  Most of the information in the classes was not new to me, as my sisters had been born at home and I had already read a lot, but the classes were incredibly eye-opening for my husband.  He learned about how birth really works, and realized why so many hospital policies and procedures are often unnecessary and even detrimental to the birth process.

My first birth experience was not ideal, but as a young, first-time mom giving birth in a hospital, I fared pretty well.  I refused an IV, was allowed to walk and use the shower, and received electronic fetal monitoring only twice during the few hours I labored at the hospital.  Thanks to my doula, I was never offered an epidural, and didn’t have any episiotomy.  And because my entire labor lasted less than eight hours, the obstetrician only made in time to catch a healthy baby girl.

This easy delivery (and lack of hospital interventions) made it a lot easier when it came time to casually mention to my husband that I wanted to have baby #2 at home.  As supportive as he was of my desire for natural childbirth, and as much as he understood the difficulties that come with trying to have a natural birth in a hospital, he wasn’t really comfortable with the idea of having a baby at home.  But I was able to point out to him that the doctors and the nurses at the hospital never really did anything at my first birth.  I never utilized any of the interventions that you need to be in the hospital to get; my body did it all on its own.

My husband agreed to a home birth the second time around because had witnessed a safe, natural birth first-hand and because, ultimately, he trusted that I had done my research and knew what was best for our baby (and, yes, I consider myself extraordinarily lucky that he has this much faith in me).  He also felt more comfortable after meeting with our midwife and hearing first-hand about her experience and how she handles emergency situations.  And when I finally got my hands in a copy of The Business of Being Born and he was able to see the safe and peaceful home births of so many babies for himself, he was more fully convinced that we were doing the right thing.

He still didn’t want to be the one who had to deliver the baby though, and he still had his doubts.  He worried that it would be messy, he worried that something would go wrong, and he worried about what the neighbors would think . . .

My second birth experience was far better than my first.  I labored at home.  I was allowed to eat and drink.  I didn’t have to fight to avoid interventions because my midwife didn’t believe in them in the first place.  When my son’s head emerged but his body didn’t follow, my midwife knew exactly what to do, and within a few minutes she had dislodged what she termed “sticky shoulders” and he slid easily into the world.  From my perspective, it was a great birth.

Overall, my husband found the home birth experience to be a positive one as well.  He particularly enjoyed the fact that he got to sleep in his own bed and not on a hospital couch.  But I also learned afterward that, at one point, he had been afraid that my son and I were going die right there in our bathtub (which was never even close to happening).  If we have another baby, I know that he will support my desire for another home birth.  But I also know that, on some level, he would still feel more comfortable if I chose to go back to the hospital.

As birth activists, it can be hard to see women who have given up on their hopes for a home birth because they can’t convince their husbands.  It’s easy to judge men who are hesitant about home birth, and criticize them for being unsupportive.  But, in fact, I think we are the ones who need to be more supportive and understanding.  Most men aren’t being trying to be difficult, or actively deny their wives and babies a safe and positive birth experience.

They just don’t know any better because no one has told them any better.

We talk a lot about how women in our culture know so little about birth and are rarely exposed to it before they have a baby themselves.  If American women know so little, doesn’t it stand to reason that American men know even less?

The notion of medical superiority is deeply rooted in American culture.  We tend to believe that doctors, hospitals, and procedures can make everything better, and this thinking is applied to birth as well.  Most Americans assume that interventions always help the birth process, and aren’t familiar with the idea that interventions can actually be harmful.  In many cases, pregnant women don’t even know that they have options and choices when it comes to birth.

Women come to home birth in a variety of ways – disappointment with a prior birth experience, reading books, participating in online forms, talking with other women at mom’s groups or playgroups, just to name a few.  But husbands don’t often share these experiences.  Men don’t have to heal from cesarean scars.  Men rarely participate in chat groups or attend support groups about pregnancy and birth.  Men don’t share intimate details of their birth stories with other women, and don’t hear about the experiences of others.

Instead, men mostly hear the messages from the mainstream media that home birth is dangerous.  Chances are they have never met or even heard of anyone who has had one.  So when husbands hear their wives start to mention the idea of having a baby at home, it’s no wonder that they’re skeptical.  Given what they know, concern and opposition actually seem like perfectly logical responses.

I don’t believe that husbands oppose home birth because they want to be difficult.  In most cases, it’s because they love their wives and they’re unborn children.  It’s because they have only been exposed to the mainstream media message that home birth is dangerous and hospital birth is always a safer alternative.  It’s because they haven’t read the studies and met the women and heard the empowering stories of birth at home.

As birth activists and home birth advocates, we need to change this.

My question to you is how.

If you had a home birth, did you have to convince your husband?  If so, how did you do it?  Or, did you want a home birth but agree to give birth in a hospital or birth center because you couldn’t convince your husband/partner?  How do we help men to be more comfortable with the idea of home birth?

Alyssa Chirco is a stay-at-home mom and freelance writer who lives in St. Louis, Missouri with her husband and two children.  She is active in both birth and breastfeeding education and advocacy, and combines her love of writing with her love of everything parenting-related in her blog St. Louis Smart Mama (www.stlouissmartmama.blogspot.com).

Accepting the Unexpected

I prepared for my first birth (and am preparing for my second) with the help of Hypnobirthing, the Mongan Method.  Part of the practice “regimen” is listening to a 25-minute track of Marie Mongan reading birth affirmations–positive statements about birth–over and over again.  The idea of affirmations is that the more you hear something, the more you tend to believe it and the less resistance you have to its message.  Pregnant women are exposed to a plethora of negative messages about what their births will be like, and the positive affirmation track is there to counter that.

I suppose every woman has a few affirmations that speak to her more than the others.  For me, the crux of the collection was this:

I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turn my birthing may take.

I didn’t have a lot of expectations for my birth.  I wasn’t expecting it to be short or easy.  I kept an open mind about Mongan’s claim about birth not needing to be painful, and knew that I would deal with the birth beautifully whether it was painful or not.  But I really, really, really wanted my homebirth.  I was terrified of needing a hospital transfer.  I was terrified of needing a C-section.  I was terrified of letting go of my dream.

I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turn my birthing may take.

I just  couldn’t hear it enough.

But a few weeks before my birth, I came across a very unusual birth story.  It goes as follows.

Sivan was pregnant with her fourth child and preparing for a homebirth.  She was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in the middle of her pregnancy, but she did not let that worry her.  Her 39-week ultrasound estimated the baby’s size at an impressive 4.4 kg (9.7 lbs).  This did not bother her either; she knew how notorious ultrasounds are for being inaccurate.

But her midwife was concerned.  She took a good look at all the factors involved, and told her that with all the data she had, she did not feel safe accepting this birth at home, and with great sympathy told her that in her professional opinion, a C-section would be the safest course for this particular baby.

Sivan was shocked.  She trusted her midwife and knew that she would never recommend a planned C-section without a really good reason, but she couldn’t grasp the idea that her midwife would tell her such a thing.  What about the inaccuracy of ultrasounds?  What about the inaccuracy of the glucose tolerance test?  What about the idea that women’s bodies have been doing this for millenia and know how to birth big babies too?

Eventually she began to accept that her midwife was not just being over-cautious.  In the case of gestational diabetes, it is the shoulders of the baby that put on a lot of weight, and the risk of true shoulder dystocia in this case was too high to ignore.  She did not want to put her baby at risk.

But a C-section?  After all her hopes for a perfect homebirth?

Sivan described going to the beach and watching the waves and wanting to just give birth there, alone, trusting her body to do what it knew how to do, proving to everyone how wrong they were.  She cried for the loss of her dream birth, feeling helpless, hopeless and disempowered.

As she sat there, she got a call from her midwife.  “Just wanted to check in on you.  I know you will be okay.  You’re not the type of person who gets stuck in the past, I got that feeling from you long ago.  Just remember one thing: at the surgery, despite all the disappointment, you are still going to meet your baby.  Remember?  It’s a celebration!  Go in celebration!”

From that moment, something changed.

Sivan went home and informed the hospital that she would not be coming that day, but on Sunday.  And that her surgery would not be on Sunday, but on Tuesday.  Why?  Because that’s what she wanted.  She was taking this birth into her hands.  Who said a C-section couldn’t be an active birth?!

She and her husband arrived at the hospital like a pair of celebrities arriving for their premiere, all dressed up and full of joy.  They asked every staff member for his or her name and chatted with them.  Sivan insisted on sitting, not lying down, on the bed as she was wheeled into the OR.  As the surgeon prepared for the incision, she asked him to tell her exactly what he was doing.  She described the moments of joy as her son was born, and when he was brought to her from across the curtain and put next to her cheek; how she wriggled her arm out of the restraint and stroked him.  Her husband waited with the baby carrier, took the baby and never left his side as the operation was completed.  Sivan insisted on giving the surgeon a hug before she was wheeled to recovery.  Determined to recover and see her baby, as soon as she felt some sensation in her legs she tried to move them, and she expressed some colostrum to prepare her breasts for nursing.  She refused morphium for the pain and had them give her Ibuprofin instead.  The staff was in shock at her quick recovery and determination to function.  When her beautiful, 9.8-pound boy was finally brought to her, she didn’t wait even one minute before attaching him to her breast.  “Don’t you want to wait until we reach the ward?”  The orderly asked in amazement.  No.  Not a chance.

She turned one of the worst nightmares of any homebirther into a positive, happy experience.  A celebration.  After all, a birth is a birth.

I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turn my birthing may take.

After I read that story, something changed in me as well.  I realized that the lack of control I had over my birth did not mean I was helpless.  There is always a choice, and the choice is in your response to the situation you are in.  You can choose to see a C-section as a failure, a nightmare.  Or you can choose to see it as a birth; not what you wanted, not ideal, but a birth nonetheless.

Suddenly, I was able to let go.

And my birth was amazing.

Dannii Minogue and Home Birth Opposition

Today I read an article from Australia’s Border Mail.  An Australian obstetrician, Dr. Pieter Mourik, holds out the example of celebrity Dannii Minogue’s home birth transfer as a reason to abolish the practice altogether.

Among the gems Dr. Mourik offers up:

“I think it is unrealistic for any 38-year-old having her first baby to think it’s going to be a normal delivery at home.”

“Half of women in labour the first time don’t realise how bloody painful it is.”

“Ninety-five per cent of women need pain relief during childbirth.” (Perhaps 95% of women in the hospital receive pain relief, but why did they “need” it?  Were they stuck lying in bed?  On Pitocin?  Need is situationally dependent.)

“Dr Mourik said that one in eight ‘low-risk’ births were actually potentially deadly.  ’One in eight of all low-risk women will have an acute, life and death emergency,’ he said.”

I didn’t see any of these assertions backed up by any research.  But I did a little Google search on Dr. Mourik, and found that he’s been arguing against home birth for years.  (See here, here, and here for just a couple of selections.)  It is difficult to give merit to any of his unsubstantiated “facts” given his anti-home birth stance.

When those who oppose home birth resort to scare tactics, unsubstantiated claims, and even outright lies, it makes it quite difficult to have a meaningful debate.  And when it comes from someone with an M.D. after his name, it may make women begin to question the motives of all OBs.  That doesn’t serve anyone well.  There are many of us in the pro-home birth camp who strive for knowledge and research, for careful weighing of the facts, for balance between potential risk and safety precautions.  Most of us advocating for home birth understand that it isn’t for everyone, but that the choice should exist for those who want to avail themselves of it.

Fearful Fathers.

On this Father’s Day weekend, in addition to all of the celebrating & thanking we’ll do for the fathers in our lives, we also should take a moment to think critically about the power that some fathers exert over the birth of their children. I’m speaking specifically about men who, for whatever reason, don’t believe that the woman they are partnered with is competent to birth her/their child. Now, don’t get me wrong – I don’t think there are very many men out there that would flat out say, “Honey, I just don’t believe you are a competent birther.” Clearly, the message is more subtle – things like, “Oh, but the pain – I don’t think you can handle the pain, remember when you stubbed your toe last week?” or “What if something goes wrong?” or “If it were me, I’d get the epidural.” Well, you know what? IT ISN’T YOU. I totally get that most men, just like most women are overwhelmed by the ‘birth is scary and painful and dangerous (and not much else)‘ message our culture rams down our throats. But almost nothing makes me more angry than a woman who has overcome this cultural hurdle, who wants to make a normal birth a reality for her family, only to be pushed back by her unsupportive spouse.

Let me confess: Right this minute I have a friend who was born at home herself, who had always planned to homebirth, who is currently pregnant and will deliver in a hospital because her husband isn’t comfortable with non-medical birth. Thank the Universe he at least consented to having a doula present (truth be told: she asked me to doula & I declined because of this very issue – which probably makes me a bad person). This type of thing, and I’ve heard it more than once, makes me so sad. It makes me mad at him for being so controlling & selfish, and mad at her for not demanding to birth the way she wants, the way she believes is best. IT IS HER BIRTH, for Pete’s sake (p.s. I never use phrases like ‘for Pete’s Sake’ – I’m much more of an explicative using girl, more on this later, I’m sure). What kind of precedent does this set for the parenting dynamic? I have a guess, and it isn’t pretty.

I know I’m not supposed to feel, much less say, these things. I’m supposed to be all, “Whatever works for them!” It’s just that I can’t help but feel that kind of attitude is part of what perpetuates the interventive, medicalized birth model. Call me crazy, but I just don’t think a fearful father should get the power of veto when it comes to birth choices.

Just like you are never, under any circumstances (unless you are a health professional in the employ of the client), allowed to tell a pregnant woman that she looks anything other than perfectly perfect for her gestational stage, a father should support his partner’s choice to birth however she feels is best for her and her baby. Can he voice concern? Absolutely. Can he ask for more information/education. Of course. Should he talk to and get support from other fathers whose partners are making similar choices? By all means. Can he just say no to his partner’s desires for a normal birth? Nope. Not his call.

To all the many fathers who support their partner’s quest for a normal birth: a Big and Happy Father’s Day! To one father in particular, one who looked at his wife minutes after the normal-ish birth of their daughter and said, with eyes completely full of wonder and respect, “The world is a different place now,” and “You are so amazing,” and “I thought she’d be the size of an avacado, but she’s totally the size of a watermelon,” the one who rubbed my legs for hours (and I mean HOURS) without stopping and caught our son in his bare hands, who counts our homebirth at the top of his list of the best things that ever happened to him: You really are the best father on the planet & our family is so lucky to have you.

I Want a Home Birth…Next Time.

If I had a dollar for every woman I have heard say “I want a home birth, but the first one is going to be in the hospital, JUST IN CASE” I’d be a midwife with a lot more dollars.

If only that is how it really worked.  You march in to a hospital, have an amazing natural first birth and prove the whole staff wrong. Whoa, what a powerful and usually unobtainable image. With fear implanted into their heads these first time parents are under the illusion that 1) They are safer in a hospital (but apparently only for the first baby). 2) That they are the exception to the rule and will get EXACTLY what they want in a hospital setting.  I am under no illusion that we will see a great change in my lifetime where 98% of women will birth at home and 2% in the hospital.  While that would be just dreamy to this home birth midwife, I am speaking to those moms who want a home birth…next time.

What will next time look like?  Why is it different?

The reality is it will most likely be different but not in the way these mamas think or would like.  In the USA there is a 30% plus chance you will be a post cesarean mom.  In my hometown of Miami make that 51%. You will have to find a provider to agree to “allow” you to attempt a vaginal birth after cesarean.  Your family will say things like “You can’t do that at home, you had a c-section, it’s dangerous” and “Thank G-d you had an operating room waiting for you there, you needed it last time, you’re going to need it again” You will be considered high risk.  (Don’t get me started on the fact that THAT is bull)  You will be put on time tables, subjected to extra ultrasounds, and at the mercy of an OB to tell you what you can do and where.

My advice: Avoid the high section rates.  Stay home this time.  Home birth is just as safe on a first birth as a second.  Trust your body, it was built to birth.  Trust your instinct and research and find a midwife that has experience and the knowledge to  recognize signs and symptoms early that intervention is needed.  Don’t fear birth, fear the practice of obstetrics.

You are 3 times more likely to have a c-section if you choose a hospital birth than a home birth.  And with all this surgery and technology we have 42 countries that have better outcomes than we do.

I’ll stay home….just in case!

CDC Releases Home Birth Data

Today the Center for Disease Control and Prevention released some much anticipated data regarding home birth from 1990 to 2006.

Inside the released data, it showed an increasing trend in out of hospital births.  Home births rose about 5% from 1990 to 2005 and were steady in 2006.  About two thirds of these births were at homes and about another third were in birth centers. Which I believe has come from more education on the safety of home birth, as well as the increased interest in women who do not wish to be put through the hospital birthing system, or are looking to VBAC in an area with no hospitals currently permitting the hot button procedure.

What this study also showed was an increase in Midwife attended home birth, showing that women are planning these births and not just accidentally birthing at home, or not making it to the hospital in time. The number of midwife attended home births increased from 43% in 1990 to 61%.

What Robin pointed out on Pregnancy.about.com is that people will try and blame or say these trends are due to the popularity of the film The Business of Being Born, or the Big Push for Midwives campaign but these were unavailable during this time. The Business of Being Born was not released until 2007.

I find these statistics encouraging because women are becoming more educated on their options, and truly are being informed consumers.

_{MacDorman M, Menacker F, Declercq E. Trends and characteristics of home and other out-of-hospital births in the United States, 1990-2006. National vital statistics reports; vol 58 no 11. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics. 2010.}

Loyally Devoted to Doctor

I recently read the book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N Aron, Ph.D. In the chapter called Medics, Medication, and Highly Sensitive People, the author states:

“Keep in mind, too, that it is common to feel an attachment to anyone you have been with during an arousing experience, especially if it was a truly painful or emotionally significant ordeal. In the medical realm you hear these sorts of extra feelings when people describe their surgeon or women talk about the person who delivered their child, which is perfectly normal. The solution is simply to know why it happens and compensate for it appropriately.”

In the chapter about relationships, she talks about studies that were done that showed people are far more likely to fall in love under stressful circumstances. She applied this phenomenon to attachment in all relationships, not just romantic relationships. Later when I read the above statement in the medical chapter, so many things started to make sense to me.

Why do women love their maternity care provider, even when they may have done unnecessary procedures on them and not allowed them to make their own choices? Why do many providers use scare tactics? Why do women hold so adamantly to the belief that their provider “saved their life” or “saved their baby” or “was a great doctor” or “really took good care of me”, even when evidence to the contrary is right in front of them? Why do they fail to make important connections, such as that their c-section may have been one of the many unnecessary ones, or that there may not have been a true evidence based need for their induction? Why is childbirth treated like a major emergency with so much fear and anxiety around it? Why aren’t all women who give birth in this system severely traumatized from it, and instead defend and adore their doctors? The answer is simple: the culture of fear that surrounds childbirth actually endears women to their doctors. It cements the relationship between women, their doctors, and the hospitals their doctors practice at. It ensures that the women will keep coming back, and will recommend their providers to all their friends as they speak about them in glowing heroic terms. It is quite brilliant really, providers and hospitals have found the key to running a very successful business, and it has nothing to do with allowing women to make their own choices. They simply have to give the illusion prenatally that the woman can make her own choices for her birth, and then make sure that the actual experience of birth is one filled with fear, anxiety, and of course a healthy baby, and then the narcissistic provider will come out looking like roses to the woman who must endure the “horrors of childbirth”.

Of course, I am not really giving the doctors the benefit of the doubt here. They likely don’t know on a conscious level what they are really doing. They have been trained to act this way, by people who were also trained to act this way, and it is reinforced for them every time a woman profusely thanks her doctor for a job well done, and every time a woman tells her birth horror story where the good doctor makes an appearance as the hero who delivers her baby to her despite all the dangers that presented at the last minute. Both the woman and the doctor seem ignorant of the psychological effects that framing every average birth as a medical emergency creates.

In the statement above, the author states: “it is common to feel an attachment to anyone you have been with during an arousing experience, especially if it was a truly painful or emotionally significant ordeal.” This describes childbirth perfectly. The word “arousing” here is referring to sensory levels. That can mean physically, emotionally, sexually, or any other assault to the senses, good or bad, that can be had. We know childbirth can be described as “arousing” in many ways. It is also inherently “painful” and “emotionally significant”. Even when women use drugs, there is still some level of pain before she took them, and depending on what type of drugs she took, she may still experience pain while she is taking them. So really, all births fit this criteria. Births in a hospital, or at home, or in a birth center all have these same basic elements. It seems women are wired to form an attachment to the people who were with her and helped her through the event. This could be her partner, her doula, her midwife, her doctor, her nurse, or her friend or relative. I think this type of attachment likely had an evolutionary purpose at one time. It would be ideal to attach to an older, wiser woman who assisted with the delivery of babies who would have been there to care for the mom postpartum, and to slowly help her to bond and form an attachment to the baby. This wise woman would then help the mother learn to breastfeed and care for her new infant, while slowly pulling back her own attentions from the situation. This is what we have in homebirth midwives today. How would our ancestors have fared if a man had shown up in the tribe to deliver a baby, and then disappeared immediately afterward? The woman would be left adoring him, yet not having help from him to form an attachment to her infant. Never learning how to breastfeed or other infant care skills. What would have become of humanity? What is becoming of humanity?

Midwives and doulas seem to understand this phenomenon. Doulas usually visit a woman once or twice postpartum and are available if she needs to talk or has questions about the baby, breastfeeding, or the birth. Midwives start seeing a woman more and more as the birth approaches, and then once the baby is born, they start to taper off again, seeing her less and less until she is no longer needed at all. This is a much more natural and appropriate response to caring for a woman during such a pivotal transition in her life. What happens when women see doctors or CNM’s in hospitals though? They are likely seeing a practice, not a specific provider. They will likely not give birth with the same doctor or CNM they saw prenatally. They may never see the same doctor or CNM again after they give birth, or perhaps just once at the six week checkup. How does this affect women emotionally, or in her relationship with her baby, when instead of having a slow winding away from her provider, there is just an abrupt ending to the relationship? Does this interfere with breastfeeding, or affect feelings of trauma related to the birth, or feelings of depression related to her new role as mother? It is ingrained in our psyche to attach to these people who help us through such a major event in our life. How will the people we choose handle this responsibility? Are we choosing someone who will corrupt our experience and force an unnatural attachment to them by creating more anxiety around the experience? Are we choosing someone who will be there for us days, weeks, and months later to answer our questions about the baby or to offer us emotional support? Will the person we choose even be available for the birth, and will we ever see them again afterward?

Now I realize why other women feel the way they do about their provider. I did not attach to my provider, I was instead extremely traumatized by her actions. I still wonder why some women are traumatized, and others fall in love with their providers, given the same set of circumstances. I wonder if it is actually more natural, and thus common, to attach to a provider even when (or perhaps especially when) that provider creates an atmosphere of fear. It makes sense then why so few of us are speaking up about the system and the way women are treated. It makes sense that women are extremely loyal to their providers, even when many aspects of their births were disappointing or upsetting to them. It makes sense that many women are reluctant to accept that there is anything wrong with maternity care. It makes sense why the maternity care system is so hard to change and is met with so much resistance from every side.

What can birth activists do to help women form healthy attachments during this transitional time in her life? It may be tempting to try to convince all women to have a homebirth with a midwife since we know that they are probably the best option for healthy attachments and a healthy weaning away as well, however, if a woman has already formed a strong attachment to a certain provider, it may be more realistic to recommend having a doula. A doula will be there prenatally, for the birth, and postpartum, and therefore can provide much of the physical and emotional support that new moms need and deserve. Some moms may hire a doula, yet keep her same provider that she has formed an attachment to, and others may find that a doula is a stepping stone to having a homebirth the next time. One day I hope that maternity care shifts to being centered around the mother again, and not around the provider and his schedule or routine.

Why Our Women are Afraid of Birth

Deliver Me

It is Tuesday, at 10pm while I settle in after getting my little ones to bed. I flip through the channels and settle on discovery healthy which is a personal favorite of mine, but it really has only recently become a favorite because of shows like I didn’t know I was pregnant. It fascinates me that women could make it though a full term pregnancy and not know they were pregnant, but that is just me, and the experiences that I had with my children is what makes me wonder how the heck women could not know they were pregnant.  But that is completely besides my point today.
So as I watch this show, I am noticing a trend. High risk, high risk, high risk, previous cesarean section, scheduled cesarean section, high risk, healthy first time mother, scheduled cesarean, high risk. Well I mean, that is how it is in Los Angeles right?  You would think so!  But apparently because only these crazy, scary, uncommon births make something called ratings, that is all they are going to feature on TV. Because in reality, no one wants to watch a natural birth or a home birth because no one is running around with a scalpel screaming about the emergency that childbirth is. Nor is the mother screaming for her epidural because she just cant deal with the pain of the 3 hours of labor so far.
But what we should be thinking about most importantly is the message this is sending. What is this teaching first time mothers or even young women that may not be planning on having children soon but will some day?  It is teaching them how scary, dangerous, and medical birth is supposed to be. But is that really how birth is? Of course not. Anyone who has taken the time to read the studies, and just not follow what mainstream society thinks is the right way to handle pregnancy will know that birth is not scary or dangerous or a huge emergency. While it can be in some cases, in most cases it can and will be beautiful when just left alone.

When a woman becomes pregnant today, if they do not already have an Obstetrician they have been seeing for well women care since 16, or whatever age their parent decided it was the right them for them, what is the first thing that they do? They ask around their circle of female friends for the best Doctor out there because isn’t that what we all want? We want the one who is the BMW of pre natal care. Little do women know that they are really going to end up with the 1990 Dodge Dynasty when they take this route because hands off is better.
But because our society has told us this is the way things should be, they run off like lemmings right off the cliff of medical interventions landing in the valley of cesarean sections.

Maybe if the television channels like Discovery health followed a dozen home births or even aired The Business of Being Born they could get a popular, and controversial other side to what they are constantly airing. Maybe it will boost their ratings even more, maybe not?  But what it will do is give the other side of the whole issue. Let’s get Marsden Wagner to do a half hour special on Birth in The United States and see how many women run off to the midwives.  Instead they air these disgustingly inaccurate “Freebirthing” shows. They find the one idiot who is going to make women who choose unassisted birth look like a bunch of uneducated yokels.  Which is exactly what they did with their special on Unassisted birth.

I guess in the end, like anything else the television airs, it is biased and we shouldn’t expect much different.

No Intervention Necessary: Woman Has Surprise HBAC

This surprise out-of-hospital birth story focused on the toddler-as-midwife angle. Just as interesting, however, was the fact that this woman avoided surgery. She was scheduled for her fourth cesarean on December 6, 2009.

Congratulations to the family.

Two-year-old Jeremiha Taylor doesn’t have to ask his mother where babies come from — he helped deliver his little brother at the foot of his family’s living room couch.

“He’s my little hero,” Jeremiha’s mom, Bobbye Favazza, 27, of Olive Branch, said Tuesday. “It was like he knew what to do.”

Favazza gave birth to a 7-pound, 4-ounce baby boy, Kamron Taylor, on Friday morning. Firefighters arrived moments later to cut the umbilical cord.

Greg Mynatt, an emergency services supervisor with the city, said the 911 call about Favazza was probably the third this year about a woman in labor, but usually the mother makes it to the hospital before delivery.

Even rarer is a child assisting with delivery. Mynatt did not recall it ever happening here.

“This would probably be the first,” he said.

Jeremiha can count to five, feed himself and go to the potty himself. He communicates in short sentences.

Of course, nothing about his brief childhood had prepared him to assist in delivering a baby, but Favazza said that of her four children, Jeremiha is the bold one, the one who “will try anything.”

Favazza had made proper plans. Baptist Memorial Hospital-DeSoto was expecting her — on Dec. 6, for her fourth caesarian section — not on Friday the 13th.

Looking back, Favazza realized she was in labor all through the night before the birth, but she did not realize it at the time. The discomfort was minor compared to the labor pains she remembered before giving birth to her sons, ages 2 and 3, and daughter, 5.

On Friday morning, Favazza complained to her mother, Leigh Favazza, about the pain, but neither woman believed delivery was imminent.

Leigh Favazza considered taking the day off from her sales job if indeed her daughter was going to give birth, but first she had to get her granddaughter, Keely Taylor, settled at school.

Leigh Favazza left the house to take the 5-year-old to the bus stop at the end of Maury Drive, then she headed for Olive Branch Elementary School to drop off snacks for her granddaughter’s classroom. While en route, Bobbye Favazza called.

“Mom, I’m having the baby,” Bobbye Favazza said.

Leigh Favazza hung up and called 911. It was 8:26 a.m. She was frantic. Her daughter was alone in the house with a 2-year-old, a 3-year-old, a bull mastiff and a poodle and her water had just broken.

Bobbye Favazza’s oldest son, 3-year-old Jamison Taylor, had awakened to discover his mother bleeding and in pain.

“He sat on the couch right here and cried,” Bobbye Favazza said. “He was terrified. He’s my emotional one.”

The 2-year-old was calm.

“I laid on the couch and he went and got a towel,” Bobbye Favazza said. “He grabbed a towel on his own.

“It happened so fast. My water broke and the baby came two to three minutes later. I just pushed and he caught him.”

Bobbye Favazza said she held her baby, still attached to her by the cord, as she walked a few feet to unlock the front door for emergency personnel. They cut the cord.

Jeremiha, quizzed about the birth of his brother, can point to the spot at the end of the couch where Kamron Taylor was born.

“Over there,” he said.

“Sometimes these things happen, especially to mothers who’ve had multiple births,” said Mynatt, the city’s emergency services supervisor. “The time gets less and less with each delivery.”

Mother and son were discharged from Baptist-DeSoto. Neither suffered any complications.

“I’ve had three,” said Leigh Favazza, the proud grandmother, “and I can’t imagine having any of them like this.”

Why Did I Move During Labor?

I never knew the importance of moving around during labor until I was actually in labor with my second child. With my first I was strapped to a bed, a fetal monitor, and pitocin, so I never really had the option of moving around.

My second time around I realized why it was so important. When I would have a contraction, if I moved, rocked, walked, it would help the pain. Sitting in one spot, tensing up, screaming, or clenching onto something all made the contraction itself a million times worse. As my labor progressed, I realized this. Which helped me to “ride the wave” which is how I looked at getting over my contractions. I pictured them as a giant wave that I must surf over in order to get closer to my baby. As the time went on, and boy what a long labor I had, I realized the more movement the less pain.

The modern form of maternity care, which keeps women in one position, place, or hooked up to machines is what is causing the fear of pain in society today. Because woman’s friends, and family members are routinely going through this kind of system, it is becoming the tell tale so much more.

Until there is a change in how hospitals deal with birth, women are going to continue to think birth is the end of the world because they are not being allowed to move or be active while in labor, when in the end, it does way more good, than it does harm.