birth activist

And they don't just feel powerless, they are powerless. They don't just get tethered to beds, but they are also forced, over their screams of "no", to have vaginal exams, episiotomies, manual dilatation of the cervix, and AROM, among other things.

I can really see your point about using the term. I think I often don't use it out of it my own discomfort with it than for any other reason.

I have also experienced many of the symptoms you describe. I hope you are receiving some help in dealing with this. You are expressing symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Get help if you haven't already. Trauma wont just go away unless dealt with in a very direct manner.

I have found that homeopathic remedies and flower essences are very supportive in healing trauma.

I don't know. I've used 'assaulted' before, and 'violated', usually prefaced with "I felt", and not "I was". This is really toning down the true feelings, but keeps conversations going and keeps people open minded about how women can sometimes feel about the experience. I really wish there was a term that better fit AND didn't shut all conversation down.

I have heard of birth rape happening in any setting, with any type of provider, with the presence of a doula or labor support, or without. Interviewing care providers, and having a knowledgeable husband is obviously a step in the right direction. However, care providers don't usually disclose whether or not they will force a vaginal exam, or strip membranes on the sly, or "help you along" by manually dilating the cervix without consent, or actually do these things while you are protesting. I think the best thing to do is find out from other women which care providers or hospitals are the best in this regard. Ask around as much as you can, find out which hospitals or providers are known in your area for being good. Many times you can get this information from Doulas. Hiring a doula can be helpful too, but they are powerless to stop anything from happening to you. All they can do is remind you to speak up for yourself, but if you are already saying no, then there is not much they can do. Husbands really have the most power in the labor room, even more than the birthing woman. They are men and they are listened to (as much as I hate this, it's true). However, they are generally very concerned about the safety of their wives and children, and can understandably become overwhelmed with the situation and not be able to decipher a true emergency from a fabricated one.

I think birth rape is a term that most accurately describes what is done to a birthing woman and captures her feelings and woundedness. It is conversation stopper (I feel) because people do not examine how birth is treated in the US, it's supposed to be scary/painful/horrifying, but if the doctor;s there, you're okay, no reason to feel afraid. I think the revulsion is part of that mentality, if you will.

Also, there's the mentality (of people towards a mother) that 'all that matters is that the baby is healthy'. Which is dismissive often of PPD, nevermind what factors are contributing to PPD.

It wasn't that long ago that the words incest, molesting, and rape were taboo and not mentioned in 'proper society'. Not to mention that women were not pregnant, they were 'in the family way'.

I think we shouldn't be afraid to talk about birth rape. In fact, to help empower and heal women, we need to talk about it, and use terms that do not sugarcoat and soften the reality.